In my everyday work, I notice that every Executive Spouse I work with has those voices that make you feel like crap about yourself, sabotage you, and telling you like you don’t belong. It’s that opinionated, critical, sabotaging voice in your head – the one who fills your mind with big fat lies like these:
“You’re not pretty, thin, smart, rich (fill in the blank) enough,”
“You don’t measure up… you are falling behind…”
“Don’t even try. You’ll fail!”
Someday thinking: “When you get there you will finally be happy, financially secure, loved, fill in the blank…”
“You are unlovable, damaged goods, beyond repair.”
“You’re never going to (fill in the blank) get married, get ahead, reach your goals, make enough money….
Negative, nasty, judgmental voices that love to get in your head.
No matter how much money you have, the color of your skin, which culture you are from, especially women have the tendency to beat themselves up for not being what they are supposed to be.
We so often consciously and unconsciously go into self-bullying and self-abuse mode, that we are too exhausted to really listen to our inner wisdom and see our true POWER!
After working with many women around the globe I have identified 3 reasons why especially women so often fall into the self-criticism trap.
1. False Ideals, Expectations & Comparison
What does it really mean today to be a “good woman”?
Women have officially more freedom, more power, more flexibility…but the problem is our society’s mentality didn’t shift to support women in that way. What happens is that we were thought to listen to conventional wisdom and not to our inner wisdom.
And the conventional wisdom portrayed in the media, social networks is that:
You are never ENOUGH…
To be a “good woman” we need to be: a Great mom, a CEO, look like a model, be sexy, always happy and smiling and throw parties while doing charity on the side…
Let’s be honest here: Those goals are not just unattainable and unsustainable, they are completely unrealistic!
2. FEAR based stories and limiting believes
We all have these stories that we carry around like a heavy backpack, full of limiting beliefs, fears, and feelings that prevent us from getting what we want in life.
I myself had a story for many years of not being good enough, of being unlikeable and so I didn’t take many risks in my life because what other people thought of me really mattered a lot …
During my career as a professional tennis player, my whole identity became about results, about achievement, about being the best, about proving to myself and all the people around me that I will be successful, intelligent, and happy.
Shame, guilt, disappointment, fear, and embarrassment are five super-powerful emotions that take us out of our power.
And when we are in that space, most of our actions come from a Fear-based emotion rather than from Love.
I would urge you to reflect on what your story or baggage is? What are the beliefs that are holding you back from being truly yourself?
3. DOING not BEING
The third reason is that Feminine power is valued by how much we can DO.
So many women wake up with a long to DO list and by the end of the day those lists just got even longer and you have the feeling you are running against time?
I know I did and today I am inviting you to shift this reality.
Because really It is not so much about what we DO but who we ARE doing it.
What is the meaning and purpose of your actions? How can you create an even better place on earth today and contribute to a better place for my family, community, and the world?
Imagine what your life will be like when You STOP Being So Hard On Yourself and START Loving and Empowering Yourself NOW!
Anything is Possible When Your Inner Critic is silent and Your Inner Wisdom is In Charge!
This is about turning down the volume of the sabotaging voice and turn up the volume of your Inner wisdom and really connecting with yourself.
I know that you are making a difference. People’s lives are better because of your presence. What you have already done & who you have already become has made a difference – for yourself, for what you care about, and who you care for….
Even if you feel like you aren’t making a difference or like things aren’t shifting as fast as you like.
Believe in yourself and just BE!
Many blessings and much love,
Nina
